Looking back at cancer in our life
Feb. 7th, 2010 09:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
musingaloudMy husband is a cancer survivor. In 2002 he was diagnosed with testicular cancer. He had surgery and radiation and is free and clear today. Looking through my files tonight, I found I had written in detail of the diagnosis and surgery. It was a worrisome time, but also important in many ways. Here's something I wrote:
When I read stories of how other people have dealt with their tragedy or misfortune, I always think "how brave they are, and how strong!" Now I wonder if people are thinking that about us. I don't feel brave, and I don't feel strong. I pretend to be strong. But the way to cope is to just keep going on, one step after the other, and don't look at the whole picture. That's too overwhelming. Its easier to just go step by step.
It was interesting to read back over the details, I'd forgotten a lot of it. Your mind feels like a whirlwind is going through it, taking thoughts and spinning them away before one has time to really grasp them. I guess it's a defensive mechanism. It works quite well, actually.
I think it's during times of the greatest duress that we find ourselves. We find what we're capable of, we see our limitations. Most of all, we should learn to be kind to ourselves in such dire circumstances, and indeed, in ordinary life. We often offer forgiveness to other people. But how often do we offer forgiveness to ourselves?
When I read stories of how other people have dealt with their tragedy or misfortune, I always think "how brave they are, and how strong!" Now I wonder if people are thinking that about us. I don't feel brave, and I don't feel strong. I pretend to be strong. But the way to cope is to just keep going on, one step after the other, and don't look at the whole picture. That's too overwhelming. Its easier to just go step by step.
It was interesting to read back over the details, I'd forgotten a lot of it. Your mind feels like a whirlwind is going through it, taking thoughts and spinning them away before one has time to really grasp them. I guess it's a defensive mechanism. It works quite well, actually.
I think it's during times of the greatest duress that we find ourselves. We find what we're capable of, we see our limitations. Most of all, we should learn to be kind to ourselves in such dire circumstances, and indeed, in ordinary life. We often offer forgiveness to other people. But how often do we offer forgiveness to ourselves?
