Musing Aloud

Ok, I'm NOT going to finish/win Nano.  I figured from the beginning that I wouldn't, given my problems with November as the month.  I gave up yesterday.  The WIN is that I did get 27 k written and further along in the plot than I've ever been before, with even a hint of where to go from here and how to end.  So it's not all loss.  Nano is never, in my mind, about winning, but only about writing as much as possible and pushing past the "I can't do it" mind set.  And writing even though the inner editor is whispering insidious words about how horrible you are as a writer.  So, even though I officially "lost", I'm not counting it as that.  Any progress made is always a win.

However, I am soooo jealous of those who are swimming their way through, and wish I could do it, too.  I know I CAN write 50k in a month, I did it in July last year.  But November is just the most hellish month that could have been picked for me on a normal basis (ok, besides December), and this year was even worse.  Vacation, procrastination, medical procedures, procrastination, antibiotics that have put my entire system into overdrive, procrastination, and Thanksgiving and its preparations are just too much for me. 

I feel better now the pressure is off.  And I'll just suck it up and pay full price for Scrivener when it debuts.  If I decide to buy it.  I have the Beta version but haven't had time (see above) to play around with it yet.

Honey, I'm hooooome from Disneyland.  And glad to be here.  We had a great time, but boy did my feet hurt.  The grandbigboy did very well this time, and is starting to really enjoy the rides instead of being scared.  He even rode Soarin' Over CA, which scares me (but mostly it makes me motion sick if I watch the movie part of it -- which *is* the whole point of going on the ride) -- TWICE!  He just didn't like the "dark part" (in the beginning, when they lift you up, the lights are off for about 2 seconds.)

I read through my flist, but it often happens that I miss some posts here and there, flipping through the pages, so if I missed something important, either remind me or, well, consider yourself congratulated.  Or commiserated, as the case may be.

I had a horrible 1st day of Nano, just couldn't get myself going.  My second day was the drive down to LA, and I made my daily goal while hubby drove.  But then the kids came the next day and I was too tired by night to do any writing.  So now I've got a LOT of catching up to do.  And yet I have Thanksgiving (at least 2 days, there) coming up and a doctorly procedure which will take all day AND jury duty.  So there's another 4 days gone.  I still hope to have some really awesome word count days and catch up.  We'll see.  Speaking of which, I better get going. 

I always thought I was a person who could concentrate really hard on things.  Imagine my surprise when I realize I'm not.  I suppose it's one of those things that's easily seen from the outside looking in, but not so easy the other way around.  The grandbaby went home early today so I've had some time to write.  Hard to tell exactly how much, as I also went outside and planted some Spanish bluebell and Paperwhite bulbs I forgot I had, plus I dug up two rooted Goldmound Spireas that I found when I was pulling weeds and potted them up.  So I don't know if I actually tried to write for an hour or two, but anyway I did have a chunk of time, and had high hopes for at least 1k.  And I only have 838 words to show for it.  Because I have to stop and go play a game of freecell when I lose the map of where the story's going.  Do a few more words and then play another game.  blah blah blah.  My discovery is that I don't concentrate as well as I thought I did.  I am easily distracted, as mylefteye  said.  It's all his fault.  I blame him.  Yep, Mike's fault.  I'd write a little more but I'm bored and need to go play freecell.

Addendum:  I made myself write to 1 k after I wrote that last night, so I ended up with 1048 words yesterday. 

I've also discovered, in the process of attempting Nano and failing at it, that I do need a roadmap.  I hate calling it an Outline, because the very word sends me into shivers of loathing.  But without a map, I get very worrisome and then I avoid the conflict of trying to decide what to have the characters do next by doing something I'm not supposed to be doing -- like watching tv or playing a computer game. 

So my failure at Nano is actually a very positive thing.  Whereas I think it's ok to not have a detailed roadmap in a short story, I have learned that it's vital for me to have one with a novel.  I'm also starting to think of the novel in terms of scenes, something I wasn't really able to do before.  I'm finding that exceedingly helpful.  So from here on out I know to not attempt a novel unless I have a map of scenes at the very least.  I don't have to have detailed Outline--I would hate that, it sounds so rigid to me and I like it when the story takes a life of its own and heads off on a rampage through a city or a wood that I didn't expect it to.  But I do need to have a vague sort of heading for myself. 

I haven't stopped my Nano attempt yet.  I'm hoping to get halfway there and will consider that a success.  But i'm at the end of having any sort of idea of what happens next in the story, so I may completely stall out after today.  But as of now, I have 11,350 words, and that with not starting until the 5th of the month.  I've only had 2 days of over 2 k (but hey!  That was an eye-opener that I *can* do it!) and only 3 days of over 1k. 
  

For those of you who, like me, sometimes wonder if all this writing angst is worth it; if the Publication Gods will ever see fit to rain forth with glory and paperbacks and hardcovers, I give you these words of wisdom.  The link was garnered from somebody-or-other's blog, I really don't recall.  Probably Jay Lake.  I really enjoyed the article though.  My favorite quote below.  Go here to Clarkesworld for the full article.

"Voodoo Economics: How to Find Serenity in an Industry that Does Not Want You", by Catherynne M. Valente

"... publication was never the point. The point was the work, the book, the voodoo, the faith. The point was the sheer joy of creating something out of nothing, crystal out of gross matter. They will never really want what I have to give."

NANO progress:  Bah!  November is a HORRIBLE month to concentrate on writing.  I had a trip for the first 5 days.  Thanksgiving is coming up!  And need, I say, THANKSGIVING IS COMING!!!!!  November is my drive-myself-crazier month of cleaning and cleaning and then cleaning some more.  I can give some of that up.  But I don't think I can get myself motivated to write 50k in one month.  I'm not quitting, I'm going to just see how many words I can write.  But I don't think it's going to be 50k.

Oh.  And speaking of writing a lot of words in one month.  Good God, jaylake is an animal.  The man wrote an entire book, which I think is just under 200k, in like two months.  And from the excerpts I read, they're not a bunch of crap, either.  I drool with jealousy.